Do Narcissists ‘Get Over’ Themselves?

The Positive Test of Time: Views of Self Change Over the Lifespan

Most people know a narcissist; at least in the practical, although not necessarily clinical sense. Usually this is someone who holds themselves in high esteem, and puts themselves first, both personally and professionally, at the expense of others if necessary.

Yet as we age, beauty fades, physical prowess diminishes, mental acuity declines.

Perhaps healthy self-concepts adjust accordingly.

Narcissism impacts not only the individual, but the lives of those around him or her.

Although many narcissists are extraverted, flashy and fun, they also experience relational difficulties, often stemming from some of the same traits that make them popular.

If you love a narcissist as a family member, friend, or potential future paramour, research has some positive news for you.

More Than a Number: The Impact of Age

Ulrich Orth et al. (2024) examined the development of narcissism across the life span and studied changes over time. They describe three models of narcissism.

Agentic narcissism is characterized by assertiveness and leadership, but also the need for admiration, as well as feelings of grandiosity and superiority.

As we might imagine, they note that agentic narcissism results in fewer interpersonal problems as compared to the other two models.

Antagonistic narcissism embodies the disagreeable and antisocial facets of narcissism including qualities such as deceitfulness, callousness, arrogance, exploitativeness, a sense of entitlement, and a low level of empathy.

Neurotic narcissism is characterized by hypersensitivity, emotional dysregulation, and propensity to experience shame.

Among other things, Orth et al. (ibid.) note that the three-factor model helps to comprehend the relation between the characteristics of different types of narcissism and self-esteem, described as including subjective evaluation personal worth.

They also note that self-esteem and narcissism are distinguished conceptually because high self-esteem is often linked with prosocial attitudes and does not necessarily indicate personal feelings of superiority.

Examining data from 51 samples, including 37,247 participants, Orth et al. (supra) found that narcissism usually decreases from age eight to 77 years, with small differences due to the type of narcissism experienced.

They also discuss the concept of rank-order stability, which encompasses the stability of interindividual differences in a construct across time. They note that the rank-order stability of narcissism is high, even across long time periods, suggesting that narcissism should be considered a personality trait.

Is Generation “Me” a Myth?

In terms of popular ideas about whether narcissism is tied to generational differences, Orth et al. (supra) found that birth cohort was not a moderator of mean-level change for narcissism factors.

The mean year of birth in their samples ranged from 1923 to 2002, and the narcissism trajectory has not changed over the generations, meaning their results fail to support the popular idea that “Generation Me” people born in the 1970s to 1990s express more narcissism than previous decades. Orth et al. (supra) note, however, that as with some of their other findings, more research would be beneficial here as well.

The bottom line is that narcissism, even viewed as a personality trait, can change—for the better. With age comes wisdom, acceptance of less-than-perfect traits, and enhanced appreciation of others. With acceptance, love, support, and respect, narcissistic individuals can turn over a new leaf, slowly but surely.

(This column was originally published in Psychology Today, and is used wih the permission of its author.)

Wendy L. Patrick, JD, MDiv, Ph.D., is an award-winning career trial attorney and media commentator. She is host of “Live with Dr. Wendy” on KCBQ, and a daily guest on other media outlets, delivering a lively mix of flash, substance, and style. Read Dr. Wendy L. Patrick’s Reports — More Here.